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Written by Maz Murphy
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IMPROVE YOUR COMMUNICATION TECHNIQUE!
The majority of people think effective communication with others should be based on the ‘do unto others, as you want others to do unto you' concept. In actual fact, if everyone was to treat others as they would like be treated all hell would break loose! Every person is unique, possessing different personality traits and different Social Styles.
The key to successful communication is to treat others how they want to be treated, NOT how you would like to be treated. You need to be able to read body language and pick up signals from the person you're interacting with, in order to know their style of communication. For instance, when selling a product to a customer, a salesman needs to adapt his selling style to suit the social style of the customer. Only in this way will the customer's response be positive for the salesman.
Most people generally fall into one of four social groups. In order to determine someone's style you need first to ascertain two important factors. First, is the person you're communicating with exhibiting more controlling or supporting behaviours? Second, is the individual you're dealing with a more direct or indirect person?
CONTROLLING & SUPPORTING BEHAVIOUR
It is easy to identify people when they exhibit controlling behaviour. Usually on the first meeting controlling people are distant and detached. They don't readily show their feelings, which make them difficult to read. They display minimal body language and therefore are known as being ‘non-contact' people. They are the kind of people who base their decisions on facts and figures, rather than speculation or hunches. They believe that ‘time is money' and like to write agendas with clear points and definite topics to be covered.
Supporting people are invariably different from controlling people. They are animated in speech and use a lot of body language and facial expressions. They tend to wear their heart on their sleeves and interact better with people through close physical and emotional contact. Their decisions are usually based on intuition and feelings. When talking with a person with supporting behaviour, you will notice them digressing in conversation and often straying off the topic being discussed.
DIRECT OR INDIRECT?
Direct people tell more than they ask. Indirect people ask more than they tell.
Indirect people are usually more patient and like to follow rules according to the letter of the law. They are loyal and have very good listening skills. Indirect people are co-operative individuals who when making decisions or changes, follow through very carefully trying to avoid mistakes. However, their overly cautious nature makes them fickle and indecisive, thereby minimising their chances of success.
Direct people on the other hand are impatient and action-oriented. They are the go-getters of the group and indeed make the best bosses because of their fine leadership skills. They don't like waiting for results and are not afraid of making necessary changes and quick decisions. Like indirect people they also follow rules, however, usually to the ‘spirit of their own interpretation.' Unlike an indirect person who would ask for clarification on a grey area, the direct person will pursue presuming all is fine. If it isn't, then they will insistently argue and justify their actions with valid reasoning. Direct people would rather ask for forgiveness than ask for permission!
Having outlined the different types of behaviour, we now can identify the four core social styles. Determine your social style by looking at the table below. Choose a number between 1 and 4 to determine how controlling or supporting your behaviour is, and a letter between A and D to ascertain how indirect or direct you are. Your answers should correspond to one of the four social types, Dominant Director, Cautious Thinker, Steady Relater, or Interacting Socialiser.
DOMINANT DIRECTOR
The Dominant Director is the person most concerned with the bottom line. The most dominating aspect of their character is personal control. They like to call the shots and have the power. Being the super achievers of the group, they tend to focus too much on their work and pay little attention to their health, making them prone to heart attacks and other ailments. Yet ironically, they have a higher chance of surviving heart attacks than any of the other groups! Dominant Directors may not be the best of listeners, but they usually already know the answer to the question being asked! Their personal relationships may suffer and people in this group tend to have the highest divorce rate. Being blunt and immensely straightforward, Dominant Directors expect a lot of themselves and others. Unfortunately they tend to ‘think compliments' instead of voicing them, which can often make them seem cold. When dealing with a Dominant Director you must create an efficient environment and remember to be quick, to-the-point, and cut the nonsense!
CAUTIOUS THINKER
The cautious thinker's key desire is order, accuracy, and perfection. They believe that everything belongs in place, and that there is a place for everything. They are inventive people who are exacting in their approach and indeed are the problem-solvers and organizers of the group. However, being perfectionists frequently hinders their progress, making them start projects that they often don't finish and waste a great deal of time analyzing and questioning problems in too much detail. In order to cater for their love of precision, you must create a methodical environment and make sure you are well-planned, well-structured, and thorough!
STEADY RELATER
Steady relaters need close, friendly, personal contact with others. The most dominant aspect of their character is stability. They need to see the benefits of stability in all areas of their life, family, work, finance, etc. They are sensitive and diplomatic individuals who thrive on team work. Although reliable, they hurt easily and do not voice their concerns when feeling upset or distraught. This causes them to spend too much time dwelling on their problems instead of confronting them. That said, Steady Relaters actually make the best lovers! When dealing with a Steady Relater remember to be patient, adaptive and understanding. Creating a warm environment will allow them to open-up and communicate more freely.
INTERACTING SOCIALISER
The governing factor of an Interacting Socialiser's character is visibility and social influence. They love expressing their thoughts and talking about their favourite subject-themselves! They are extremely motivated people who possess great charisma and drive. They tend to speak quickly and generally, and have what is known as ‘The Gift of Gab.' They are highly persuasive and have the ability to make people more excited about a plan or project than they are themselves. This often makes them the best salespeople. They can convincingly win an argument, without even knowing or believing in what they're saying. However, the negative side of their sociable nature is that they are not precise. Details and outlines of any kind will bore them. This proclivity can cause them to make decisions too hastily, and produce unfavourable results. Interacting Socialisers feel most comfortable in a playful environment, so it's important that you are enthusiastic, fun, and upbeat when talking to them. They like variety and changes of pace, so remember to make things exciting and entertaining!
So the question remains, which social style is best? Well, there is no definite answer to that question as all styles have distinct strengths and weaknesses. Having a clear idea of your own style and those of your friends, colleagues and superiors, can enable you to adjust your ways of communicating and put you in a better position to get the most out of your relationships. Remember the key to effective communication with all of the social types is to motivate them internally not externally.
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