Part 2

In the last issue of NetworkHR, we explored some techniques to assist us in becoming more comfortable and relaxed when we are networking at events or parties. I hope these helped you to overcome your nerves and feel confident. Now it is time to tackle the problems of who to talk to and how to approach them. With this in mind, let's look at some strategies that can help you to break into groups and create some great conversations that will develop into positive business relationships.

Where do I begin?

Walking into a room full of people presents a veritable plethora of options when considering what we should do first. Should we find the most important looking group and make a beeline directly for them? Probably not. That is unless you are already a master communicator with few inhibitions. Often, when I enter a room full of people, I like to have a casual stroll around to get my bearings and see if anyone is there who I already know. Clearly, it is much easier to start a conversation with a friend than to break into a group of strangers and I find that this is a good way to warm up my talking muscles. Being Australian, this also provides me with an opportunity to find the bar (if there is one) and grab a drink!

Assuming there is no-one there you know, you might like to search out the quiet or uncomfortable looking person standing on their own. This is easier than joining an already established group and you can discover some amazing things from the quiet ones! Some of the most interesting

"Stay away from those who have their arms folded across their chest, both hands in their pockets or are constantly looking at the floor".

people in the world often feel somewhat socially challenged and would truly appreciate having a confident and charming person (such as you) breaking the ice. If you can't find someone matching this description then keep an eye out for someone that looks like he or she could potentially be one of your friends. Perhaps they dress in a certain style, are a similar age or have some other characteristics that you can identify with. Just last week at a prestigious awards ceremony, someone used this technique to start aconversation with me. When I asked him why he decided to say hello to me, he replied, "well you have an earring in your left ear like I do and I thought you looked like someone I could have an interesting conversation with!" As it turns out, we had a lot in common and ended up going out for drinks after the event.

Body Language

If you have attended one of ClarkMorgan's Communication, Presentation or Team Building seminars, you will probably know how powerful body language is during communication. Professor Albert Mehrabian conducted a series of studies in the late 1960's that highlighted this fact by revealing that 7% of communication is the actual words we use, 38% is our tone of voice and an amazing 55% of communication is delivered through our body language. These statistics are crucial in a networking situation - you can tell a lot about a conversation between people just by reading their body language.

If you are attempting to join two people in conversation, make sure to pay attention to how they are interacting. If they look as though they are maintaining strong eye contact and are deep in conversation it is probably best to avoid joining them as you may end up feeling like a third wheel if you interrupt their flow. Keep an eye out for people who are casually glancing around the room. It is a fair bet that if they are not engrossed in the conversation, then they would probably welcome the addition of another person to their group. Furthermore, you will have more luck with people that are holding their posture in an open manner with space between each person rather those with negative, tightly grouped, and closed off body language. For example, stay away from those who have their arms folded across their chest, both hands in their pockets or are constantly looking at the floor.

In the event that you happen to know one of the people you are approaching, there is an effective technique known as ‘bouncing'. Quite simply, it goes like this: as you approach the two or three people talking together, touch your friend lightly on their shoulder and as they turn to see you their face will immediately break into a smile of recognition. Without any hesitation smile back and then extend your hand to the other person whom you do not know and say, "Excuse me. Hi! My name is ....". They will see that you and your friend recognize each other and will therefore be receptive to your introduction. This should be a smooth and quick process, and can be very effective if your friend has forgotten the other person's name!

Safety in Numbers

When confronted with groups of people it can be difficult to know how to join smoothly without making ourselves feel uncomfortable. Generally however, the larger the group, the easier it is to join without making a scene. Larger groups provide more cover for you to move into without drawing too much attention to yourself. This can allow you to listen to the conversation for a minute or so before deciding if you want to join in or quietly sneak away. However, don't just walk up to the group and push your way in. Always look for a gap between people to make your entrance. There is nothing more uncomfortable than trying to join a group when one or more people have their back to you.

Three Rules to Joining a Group

1. Approach the right person

If there is someone in the group that you know, then it makes sense to approach them first. If, on the other hand, you don't know anyone in the group then find the person who is smiling the most (as long as it's not the person speaking), as they will probably be more receptive to welcoming you to their group. Again, look for the person with whom you will be able to make eye contact with the easiest and someone who is holding their drink in their left hand (or at least has their right hand free) so that you can easily shake their hand.

"When confronted with groups of people it can be difficult to know how to join smoothly without making ourselves feel uncomfortable."

2. Approach the person standing opposite the speaker

If the group stands in a circle and the speaker is at 12 O'clock, then approach the group from around the 6 O'clock point. It is important not to choose the person immediately to the left of the speaker, as they need to turn away from the speaker to shake your hand. This will potentially call unnecessary attention to your entry and result in a less than smooth attempt. Make sure that you have made eye contact before you extend your hand as they might not see your hand if it is already extended, resulting in an awkward moment while you are left hanging.

3. Approach the person from their right side

When you have decided who you will approach in the group make sure that you come from their right side. Try to make eye contact with them first so that they are aware of your presence. If this is not possible then very casually touch them on their right shoulder with your left hand to get their attention. The reason the right side is preferable, is so that there is a minimal amount of effort required for them to extend their hand when you shake it. Additionally, as they extend their right hand towards you they will naturally be opening the front of their body and opening a gap in the circle, which you can slide into effortlessly.

Opening Lines

When you have singled out the person with whom you are going to talk, the first couple of moments are important for setting the mood of the encounter. In the three rules listed above, I have assumed that you are going to shake the hand of the person to whom you first talk. This is not always necessary and in some situations, it will actually draw more attention than desired. For example, if someone has a drink in one hand and a plate of food in the other, offering a handshake will cause an embarrassing scene while they juggle what they are holding to try to return the offer.

Something I have observed in China that is common, is to exchange business cards as soon as people meet. Known affectionately among expats as the ‘Chinese Handshake', it is important that you time this appropriately. Often, I meet someone at an event and before he or she even tells me their name or shakes my hand, they are handing me their name card. It is important that you get through the introduction formalities before you begin swapping name cards. Always extend your hand and say your name, before offering your name card as often it can seem like an insincere attempt to jump straight into business discussion. Additionally, whoever is ‘fastest on the draw' and has their card out first should also be the one to offer their card first. Accept their card before offering yours in return.

Now we are in the group and ready to begin our conversation. What do you say next? All will be revealed in part three of the art of Networking where we will be discussing how to create conversation, fill uncomfortable silences, and leave groups politely - all in the next issue of Network HR. See you then!