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Written by Luke Lombe
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Part 1
We have all been there. You are at a cocktail party standing quietly in the corner of the room watching everyone else talk loudly to each other. Everyone around you is in large groups chatting away as though they have been friends for years. As you glance around nervously, you notice the relaxed look on their faces as they hold conversations about all manner of subjects, yet nobody is talking to you. You take another small sip out of the same glass you have been nursing for the past 30 minutes and start making excuses for why you really do not want to be there, "I'm tired", "I'm not in the mood", and "I'm no good at networking anyway". After just a few short minutes, you have managed to convince yourself to put down the nearly finished glass and make a sneaky exit. Does this sound familiar? Well, the solution to this common problem is lying right in your very hands.
Networking is an art form that takes practice to perfect. Of course, there are people who always seem to be the life of the party, but for most of us, socializing with new people can be a daunting task. Effective communication is essential in all facets of life, no more so than when we are socialising in unfamiliar surroundings. We live in a world of emails, SMS, telephone, MSN & QQ. While this technology has made our lives simpler in so many ways, it has eroded our natural ability to stand in a room of strangers and feel comfortable about talking face-to-face with real live people.
What you may not realise, is that we are all born with the ability to be very effective communicators. How often have you seen a small four or five year old child bounce around in public, completely happy to entertain strangers whilst their parents smile looking on? Can you imagine that same child acting with reckless abandon 15 years later? Communication comes naturally to us at an early age, yet between our first few years and our late teens, much of our confidence is often eaten away by society's (and our own) expectations of proper behaviour and personal presentation. This lack of confidence is most apparent in situations where we need to be open and communicative with people we do not know.
So with this in mind, and to celebrate Network HR's new look, we have decided to provide you with the definitive answer to all of your networking questions. Keep reading for some fantastic tips & techniques on how to prepare for a party, build confidence, break into unfamiliar groups, start conversations, build rapport and most importantly, leave the event knowing that you have developed some great new contacts and friends. Part 1 of this 3 part series deals with preparing for the event, overcoming nerves and building confidence.
Preparation
The most important thing to do before you even arrive at the event is to forget that you are networking and focus on having fun. Many people feel that a successful event is one where they collect a pocketful of name cards. This could not be further from the truth. If you go to an event with the sole motivation of trying to increase your business network, you are likely to be forgotten by a lot of people instead of being remembered by a few. It's not a competition to see how many name cards you can collect. If you are anything like me, unless you spend more than a few minutes talking to someone, you are very likely to forget the conversation. More importantly, they will forget who you are and your name card will end up in the bin.
Rather than going to the event thinking of how many cards you can collect and how these people will be able to help you, think about going to the event to have some fun and to meet a few interesting people. If you spend some quality time with just a few people, you are more likely to build good rapport and connect on a deeper level than a couple of minutes of inane conversation with many people will allow you. In addition, it is important to focus on how you can help other people, not on how they can help you. Many people have the attitude of "what's in it for me?" This can sometimes be obvious and off-putting. If you are genuinely interested in how you can assist other people in their lives, then you will find that people will naturally want to help you. For example, if you see an opportunity to bring two people together who have mutual interests then make sure you do. If this thoughtful act develops into a great opportunity for them then they will remember you as being the catalyst for their success. This is worth much more than you may think.
Overcoming Nerves
So, you arrive at the event and find yourself in a room full of complete strangers, what do you do? Step 1 - Don't Panic! Confidence is King! However, this is easier said than done. The first thing to remember is that you are not the only one feeling this way. The chances are there are many other people in the room feeling equally as uncomfortable about being there. When we become nervous or uncomfortable, we tend to succumb to small habits like fidgeting, playing with our hair, shuffling our feet or even drinking too much. Do not give in to your fears. Be aware of your body language and posture. In ClarkMorgan's Powerful Presentations Seminar we teach trainees that confident body language and posture will result in a confident attitude, whereas, nervous body language and posture will make you even more nervous. Therefore, if you catch yourself fidgeting or acting nervously, stand tall with your shoulders back, chin up, chest out and smile. Think big! Maintain a powerful posture with open arms and you will naturally feel stronger and more confident than if you stand with a nervous, closed and protective posture. If you want to be confident, you must first make yourself look confident. Pretend you are happy, confident and self assured even if you are not and, before you know it, you will be feeling better. The truth is, not many people want to talk with someone that looks shy or nervous. So, project confidence and you will attract attention.
Still nervous? Try some of these techniques:
Naked Room
Imagine everyone in the room is only wearing their underwear. If this doesn't work for you, then imagine they are all wearing their pyjamas. In fact, you can imagine that everyone is wearing just about anything at all. It's an old and simple technique, but it works. People will be wondering why you have a sneaky smile on your face as you walk around the room.
Movie Star
Think about your favourite movie star. Imagine how smooth and sophisticated they are. It might be Zhou Xun, Xu Jin Lei, Sun Li, Zhang Zi Yi, Zhao Wei or, for the guys, maybe Huang Xiao Wei, Liu Ye, Wu Yan Zu, Jay Zhou or Leung Chao Wei. Now, pretend you are that star. Imagine having all of the money, style, fame and confidence of your favourite star. Before you know it, you'll be walking around as if you own the room. No one will know what you are doing because all of these fantasies are secret. Just make sure you take the time to stop and sign autographs because no one likes a snob!
The Invisible Man/Woman
Imagine that no one can see you. You are invisible. Move around the room and look as if you are invisible to everyone else. Let yourself feel as though you can move around freely without a care in the world. This technique is useful, but only for a few minutes when you arrive, because if you spend the whole event pretending you are invisible then you might have some trouble meeting new people. Make sure that you respond if someone talks to you, otherwise he or she might think you're a bit strange!
Own the Room
This one is easy. Pretend that the room is in your house. You own it. All of the people there are your guests. You can act as though everyone is only there because you let them be there. How do you feel when you are in your own living room? Usually we feel very comfortable and relaxed. Transfer this same feeling to the event. This is also a great technique to adopt if you are giving an important presentation.
Visualisation
This technique is useful for almost any situation where you need to perform at your best. Athletes such as Liu Xiang and Tiger Woods commonly use visualisation, which is very effective for preparing for high stress situations. It works like this: Before you arrive at the event, find a comfortable area where you can relax for 10 minutes without being disturbed. Close your eyes and visualise yourself arriving. It is important to picture every little detail:
Think about the decoration inside the elevator, the noise of a roomful of people talking as the elevator doors open, the soft glow of the lights, the reception attendant asking for your business card and the sound of your shoes on the polished tiles. Then, imagine you walk into the room and see all of the people talking to each other. You casually walk to the bar and order a drink. Someone recognizes you and comes to talk. You have a relaxed conversation about going on a holiday to Hainan. Someone else joins your conversation and you begin talking about the latest developments in HR. Cards are exchanged. You are feeling confident.
Continue this way until you have met a few people and are completely happy with the way your imaginary event is going. The whole time you must try to remain as calm and relaxed as possible. You will find that this type of visualisation is extremely effective in preparing you for the actual event because our subconscious mind has a lot of difficulty in telling the difference between reality and our imagination. This is why dreams can be so realistic sometimes.
What next?
Now that you are feeling confident, it is time to discuss some strategies for breaking into groups, building rapport and creating conversation. Stay tuned for the next instalment of ‘The Art of Networking" in the next issue of Network HR!
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